Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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