What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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