i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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