the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
