also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
