in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
