I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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