Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
