I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
