she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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