capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
