He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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