Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
