It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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