her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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