Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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