At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
