12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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