I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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