We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
