i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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