when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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