loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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