The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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