I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
