just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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