I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
