I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize