When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
