you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
