It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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