did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
