tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
