Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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