you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
