i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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