Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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