I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
