I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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