I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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