anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
