The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
