I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize