just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
