You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize