Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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