Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
