I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
