I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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