she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
