You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
