Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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