his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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