Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
did you just send me my own nude
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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