Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
