she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
