i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
