Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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