"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i've created a new STD.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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