actually, I'm a sock model
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize