his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
