i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
