sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
