Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
