Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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