all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
