used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
