i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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