Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
