You're so nebulous sometimes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
