It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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